I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
