he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
