glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
ugly people sure do ruin things
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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