Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
