If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
