i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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