I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
