friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
