I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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