I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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