if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
