Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
