Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
