I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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