I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
