nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
The struggles of a small town man whore
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
