can we get nightvision for the apartment?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize