There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Randomize
