I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
