Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Randomize
