I need to stop coming to work sober
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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