This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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