i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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