watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
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