I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize
