the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
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