the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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