i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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