So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
