My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
