I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
