ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
