I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
