I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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