My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
