Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
