Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
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