Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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