Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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