he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
