How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
