It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Randomize
