there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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