a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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