The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
