I like to think it a success when the cops are called
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
