Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
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