I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize