I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
