Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
