Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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