I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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