I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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