Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
