I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize