I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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