I heard we made out
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
