i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
