I hate your face
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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