Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
