Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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