Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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