Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize