Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
