she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
