You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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