my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
im holly from the hills drunk
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
